“Something’s wrong with this blender. It won’t work. I think it hates me.”
“Why don’t you plug it in?”
“I never plug blenders in. My parents never plugged them in, either. That’s absurd. It’s possessed.”
“You could try plugging it in.”
“And completely turn my back on my family, my values, my religion? No, I’m not going to hell over a blender. This thing has a demon.”
“Usually blenders don’t work unless you plug them in.”
“You would say that. You live in a corrupt society. You’re indoctrinated with groupthink. George Soros wants you to plug your blender in.”
“George Soros doesn’t know if I have a blender.”
“George Soros has interests that benefit from the growth of the blender industry. The elites are in bed with multinational corporations. You can’t just use a blender. Now you have to run electricity into it? Let me ask you: what did great-grandpa do? We’ve forgotten how to live. We’ve abandoned our cultural values.”
“Ever read about Alessandro Volta, Michael Faraday, Thomas Edison, Nicola Tesla? Maybe read a history book?”
“Your history or my history? You sound woke. I’m homeschooling my kids. In ten years, they won’t have blue hair and be living in Portland.”
“Okay, but could you please calm down?”
“No, I will not be calm. Next you’re going to tell me to trust the science. I don’t get my science from propaganda. The Overton Window has shifted. You want to kill me. This is a spiritual war for the soul of America.”
“No, it’s a blender.”