The Stars Our Destination

Writing seriously means nursing enormous egotism, believing that your inner life is worthy of concrete expression, worthy of sharing. The outside world wants to constantly remind you that you are nothing but a small, failed, decaying byproduct of its grand mulching system.  But bringing forth what’s inside you gives independent life to something that never before existed outside your mind, something that cannot be immediately quantified, digested, and mulched.  Therefore, writing is subversive.  Writing is Occupy Consciousness.  Writing is black magic.  It’s an external frame of reference, a constellation of ideas, a place outside the compost heap.  And we can go there together.

Backwoods Hobbit Love (and You)

In which 2014 wants to eat you for dinner and The Desolation of Smaug is revealed as an awkward sequel to Blade Runner.

2014 thinks you look  juicy and flavorful.
2014 thinks you look juicy and flavorful.

Long about the second imagination-numbing meet cute—in which replicant Evangeline Lilly and replicant Aidan Turner execute their romantic sub-plot algorithms with the machined precision of highly efficient synthetic organisms—it struck me how much 2013 has been like The Desolation.  2013 has unquestionably been a bloated, tired, flash in the pan.  A Potemkin village of a year. Everything bad-false and nothing good-true.  Desolation is right.  Desolation forever.  2013 was the year I wished would end after experiencing about a week of it.  That’s how it went: oh shit, more of this?  Okay, maybe you had a great time.  Then again, you probably didn’t.  If you’re bitter about it, get on the bus.  There’s always room for one more.  And we would like to note our suspicion that 2014 is already peering at us hungrily from the tall grass.

The elf and the dwarf have to hook up?
The elf and the dwarf have to hook up?

Sitting in The Phoenix two days before Xmas, surrounded by the farting, despondent matinée demographic of Oxford, I wept at the destruction of yet another childhood treasure.  When I watch sci-fi or fantasy, I like feeling as if I’m at least on the edge of something relevant, as if at any moment the elements of the unreal fairytale world might snap together with perfect clarity and show me something about my life.  But The Desolation of Smaug didn’t, couldn’t, wouldn’t.  The Lord of the Rings, for example, made me think deeply about moral ambiguity and how growing up means admitting that Sauron is often the better choice.  Instead, the message here was straight out of Jack Lipnik’s dialogue in Barton Fink: “Look, I’m not one of those guys who thinks poetic has got to be fruity. We’re together on that, aren’t we?”  Peter Jackson made a bad call: no poetic fruit in Mirkwood.  None at all.  Not even a digitized grape.

There was a decided lack of metaphorical produce throughout the film. 

Stephen Fry and sidekick – straight out of Deliverance but for  cuir bouilli and an Achaemenid moustache.
Stephen Fry and sidekick – straight out of Deliverance but for cuir bouilli and an Achaemenid moustache.

Authentic agricultural products cannot exist in an over-written, computer-generated, orc Kung Fu movie acted by replicants.  So, enveloped in the bodily odors of liquor and bad lunchtime decisions, I had time to think about all that was dramatically non-fruity, such as: why Ian McKellen looks exhausted and noticeably older in this film even though it takes place before LOTR (we hope the reason is that he, too, thinks the film sucks); why Legolas functions exactly like the “jerk jock” antagonist in every single teen-oriented Hollywood movie ever; why the fight scenes run like wire fu choreographed by HAL 9000, and why Stephen Fry’s character is absolutely the best thing about the film.  Actually, this last one is not surprising.  Fry is a dramatic lucky rabbit’s foot.  Put him in a movie, even in a cameo, and everything improves.

Nexus 6es trying to act.
Nexus 6es trying to act.

Anyway, I did realize that Dr. Eldon Tyrell had to have been The Desolation of Smaug’s chief technical advisor even though he’s not credited.  Why is that?  Buggy Nexus 6es from Blade Runner seem to have self-activated and wandered out of an old Tyrell Company storage unit in Burbank.  I don’t know how they made it into a Hobbit film or why they reactivated in the first place, but I suspect it has something to do with stretching a children’s novel into a trilogy in order to make as much money as the previous trilogy did.  One thing, however, is clear: “More Human Than Human” is now Peter Jackson’s motto.

But who cares?  I had to go see it.  We all have to go see it.  This is mainly because there was a difficult moment—for many of us it was sometime in 2011 toward the end of Deathly Hallows—when we realized that Voldemort was just László Almásy from The English Patient with alopecia.  We admitted to ourselves that Neville Longbottom was the only truly heroic character in any of the movies.  And we resolved to make amends to all those we harmed as a result of our involvement with Harry Potter, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Hairless, haunted, misunderstood.
Hairless, haunted, misunderstood.

Moreover, since the most logical fantasy genre response to the cloying irrelevance of the Harry Potter franchise is Game of Thrones, something had to be done.  In spite of its many virtues, Game of Thrones isn’t interested in the kind of childhood wonder that fantasy creates.  And without wonder, we might as well go read a historical novel about Cesare Borgia and get over it.  We had to believe that Peter Jackson could save us from ourselves this year.  We had to believe in fantasy one more time.  This, even though by the end of the first Hobbit film, I was wishing they’d run into the hillbillies from Deliverance instead of stone trolls.

And so this is Boxing Day.  I’ve seen Peter Jackson’s abomination and must recover as best I can.  2014 has to be better.  We’re together on that, aren’t we?  Or maybe another hot mess is set to hit the air conditioning in less than a week.  The indecencies of Xmas are mostly behind us.  But I get the feeling that the dreaded new year is waiting like a lion on a warthog burrow.  You know about lions and warthogs, right?  Larry Brown wrote about them in Dirty Work and the metaphor is perfect:

DirtyWorkPage5

All over with.  That’s from page five.  But don’t let it get you down.  There and Back Again is set for December 17th, 2014.  I’m sure, by then, everything will be better than ever.

Cognitive Bric-a-Brac

I spend a lot of time writing about writing, but I don’t say very much about reading.  Since the line between what we write and read is always very thin, I think I should remedy that.  I’m planning a “creative writer’s reader response” post sometime soon.  For now, I think it would be fun to post something like an annotated bibliography of current reads.

Websites & Blogs: Here is a short list of some of the things I read online.  I’m fascinated by blogs that show me something new, and I find the following sites really interesting.  The subject matter skews sharply toward my interests in architecture, civil engineering, creative writing, Asia, funerals, life-hacking, languages, and abandoned places.

  • The Forgotten City of Iram – Natasha Edgington’s image blog.
  • Bones Don’t Lie – A PhD student in anthropology who specializes in mortuary archaeology.
  • Bridgioto! – A gifted animator who isn’t afraid to show her work toward becoming a better painter.
  • Grinding.be – Articles about dystopias, architecture, and post-humanism.
  • I’ve Infused Myself with Puppy DNA – Voice-driven creative nonfiction by a gifted, if sometimes unfocused, writer.
  • Japanese Rule of 7 – Ken Seeroi’s thoughts about living in Japan as an English teacher.  Smart and often very funny.
  • My Hong Kong Husband – Multicultural marriage, Hong Kong, strange things afoot.
  • Functional Shift – Lisa Minnick is a linguistics professor and a gifted teacher.  Her thoughts on the implicit and explicit uses of English are fascinating.
  • Ribbonfarm – Venkat Rao’s writings on the relativity of perception and other interesting concepts.  Very smart guy.
  • Rune Soup – Gordon White is a funny, insightful, somewhat pissed off, chaos magician.  Reading his blog gives me story ideas and that would be reason enough, but I should note that he is clearly one of nature’s prototypes.
  • Order of the Good Death – Caitlin Doughty, licensed mortician and founder of the Order of the Good Death, a blog dedicated to fostering an intelligent discussion of death and “death theory.”
  • Things I Don’t Understand And Am Definitely Not Going To Talk About – Jen Snow’s small, highly absurd posts sometimes read like status updates and other times like well-crafted micro-fiction pieces.
  • Judecca – a webcomic by Jonathan Meecham and Noora Heikkilä about three lost souls who live on an island in one of hell’s rivers.  It’s well done.  A love story in hell.
  • Damned to Deutschland – Poems and short shorts.
  • The Witch of Forest Grove – Sarah Anne Lawless is a real-life witch / shaman as well as a very talented crafter, illustrator, and herbalist.
  • Du Fuchs – Photography and urban research in Tokyo.
  • Life in Russia – Traveling through post-Soviet spaces.

Books: What am I reading right now?  What will I be reading after that?  (I do update Goodreads from time to time as well.)

At present:

  • The Beautiful and the Damned – F. Scott Fitzgerald.
  • The Sailor Who Fell From Grace with the Sea – Yukio Mishima
  • The Walk – Robert Walser
  • Oxfordshire Folk Tales – Kevan Manwaring
  • The Melancholy of Mechagirl – Catherine Valente

Waiting on my desk:

  • The Informers – Bret Easton Ellis
  • Amerika – Franz Kafka
  • Chasing the Dime – Michael Connelly
  • Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell – Susanna Clarke
  • The Prague Cemetery – Umberto Eco

The Discipline: In Your Head, Off the Street, and Away From the Club

The discipline has three steps.  It begins at home.

You want to do something–paint, write, act, play the hammered dulcimer, whatever–because it calls to you.  It’s more than just a passing interest and you’re aware of this (I think hammered dulcimers are kind of cool, but I feel no compulsion to start taking lessons down at Bob’s Dulcimer Academy).  This thing calls to you more deeply than it does to the dilettante.  You think about it when other things aren’t distracting you.  Then it becomes the distraction.  You love and even idolize existing practitioners of the art.  You read their interviews, their Wikipedia pages, the pretentious Rolling Stone pieces that treat them like geniuses or flops.  You fantasize about that being you.

So you take a step and get some training.  Lessons.  You pay for a class at the Gotham Writers’ Workshop.  Extension courses at the local community college.  Don Webb’s class at UCLA.  Maybe you get a method book or join a group that meets in the back of a bookstore once a month.  Maybe you hit the pawn shop and buy that beat-to-hell Mexi Strat in the window with some Dylan tablature.  Maybe you just get some paper, a pen, a stack of your favorite Stephen King novels, and start imitating.  The point is that your brain is a learning computer and, whether you’re aware of it or not, you’re learning.

So it goes: you produce a lot of bad material that you soon come to recognize as such.  Then maybe you make something small and good.  Then a few more small good creations like it.  Things begin to seem possible.  Your teachers (if they’re ethical) encourage you and suggest possible directions.  You start to calibrate your “built-in, shockproof, shit detector.”  You’re at the door of the Shaolin Temple.  Again, whether you know it or not, you’re standing there looking for admittance with your duffel bag and $300 in personal burial money.  You are not coming into fame and fortune at the top level with connections, Aspen lift tickets, and a sugar daddy to introduce you to literary agents or casting directors.  You’re doing it yourself.  And you’re probably starting to get pushback from those who now identify you as competition and want to end the threat before it begins.

As soon as people start trying to stand in your way–friends, family, other practitioners, teachers, coworkers–you know you’re moving forward.  This is also the moment when you truly have to apply “the discipline.”  Here it is as I have formulated it for myself.  This is a theme that runs throughout my writing on this blog and, in a more subtle way, my fiction.  The two things I care about most in life are helping people find their “thing” (bliss / true will / highest actualization–whatever you want to call it) and being able to follow my own path as a creative writer.  This has led me into teaching, which I love, and a lot of philosophical / sociological / life-hacking explorations.

Step 1: Mental Discipline: orienting all ambitions toward your art but expecting nothing in return save the art itself.  Just as publishing houses care primarily about volume of sales and production companies about box office returns, see commercial art for what it is.  In exchange for the freedom to make the art you want to make (if you’re not a commercial artist–if you are, you have a different set of problems than I’m addressing in this post), accept that “industry values” come from a vastly different universe than those of fine art and never think commerce cares about art beyond its baseline profitability.

You can’t control whether someone wants to buy your work.  You can slavishly imitate the trends, hoping that there will be room for one more clone.  Or you can recall what inspired you to start doing art in the first place–the possibility and texture of self expression.  So if you want to be authentic and original, save yourself a lot of pain and disappointment by accepting that your work may or may not be appreciated by those who seek to profit by the creativity of others.  By all means, submit your creations for publication and consumption.  But make that peripheral to your emotional center as a practitioner.  Make the work come first and the marketing come second.

This is the first step of the discipline because there will be enormous pressures levied against you for even thinking that you have the right to be original.  The publishing industry, like the movie industry, does not run on originality.  It runs on predictability.  Taking chances can be disastrous for them in the worst, career-wrecking sense.  You will be told a version of this in 1000 different implicit and explicit ways: try to imagine your audience and write to their expectations.  The serious artist will be following something else in her work than trend and established taste–something industry professionals may not even believe exists.  Two different sets of values.  Different universes.  Thus, the serious artist must be disciplined in what she believes, how she lets herself be influenced, what choices she makes about the integrity of her work.  The best way I know to do this is to embrace the real possibility of being ignored while continuously putting your work out there.  It can be emotionally difficult at first.

Step 2: Financial Discipline: keeping survival (but not respectability) always within your peripheral vision.  The second wave of pushback comes with the very real threat of extreme poverty.  Staying away from the infectious and materialistic mechanisms of the business world, status jobs, job trends, upward corporate mobility, and attendant notoriety is essential.  At best, these things are distractions from your daily commitment to furthering your art.  At worst, they will lead you into value systems that are openly antagonistic to serious, non-commercial productivity.  The same attitude behind “A BA in philosophy?  What are you going to do with that?” is the one that will frame you as an unrealistic dreamer who is certainly crazy and misguided, possibly stupid in a number of hidden ways, and someone we don’t want our daughters dating.

But these worlds and their inhabitants will be more than willing to ignore you if you ignore them–if you do not ask them for a handout or add to their unabated misery, jealousy, and covetousness by showing them the contrast between your values and theirs.  Rather, the second step in the discipline involves smiling and waving good-bye to middle-class ambitions; practicing “cheerful retreat”; and going your own way.  Being non-threatening (actually invisible) to those who hold status and money as the highest good will allow you to (1) avoid being influenced by their values; (2) avoid having to defend yourself against them; and (3) the space and time to simplify your life financially.  You are not a threat–so the fact that you are living humbly and frugally is a non-issue for them.

Simplifying your life is easier said than done.  And it may not seem like others would have a problem with this, but people will actively try to prevent you from simplifying and reducing your levels of consumption if they feel threatened by this.  However, you must arrange it so that the bulk of your personal responsibility can be shifted toward your art.

Because it’s good to live in human society–because that, too, provides fuel for your work–accept that “shifting personal responsibility toward your art” will entail a certain amount of discipline.  You may have to take the kids to football practice.  You may have to do what seems like an all-consuming job as a psychologist or a Zamboni driver or an IRS agent or a drug lawyer or a hot dog vendor in the mall.  All of these can be scaled down.  Take fewer hours.  Accept two (or three?) part-time jobs instead of a full-time job if that will build in greater flexibility.  Plead your health, your ailing family life, your grandmother’s lumbago, but reduce, reduce, reduce.  Become a freelancer.  Become a contractor.  Become a minimalist in everything but your work (and even in your work if that’s where your creativity leads you).  Read and apply The Four-Hour Workweek, Choose Yourself, How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World, Possum LivingThe Shoestring Girl, Working, The Outsider and Gordon White’s brilliant blog, Rune Soup–especially “Apocalypse Timeshares: Radical Strategies from Inside the OAT.”

Step 3: Be Determined / Take Your Lumps.  Do not think that frugality means limited options in any sense.  This is another cruel fiction propagated by the industries that depend on a manufactured, highly misleading, and unhealthy post-WWII middle-class will-to-respectability.  As a person practicing this discipline, you can do anything you want to do as long as you are willing to approach it in a transactional way (ironic, given the degree to which I inveigh against zero-sum materialism, but this is not always synonymous with transactional thinking as I use it here–see Browne’s book linked above).

In other words, if you want to, say, study herbalism in Shanghai, you can.  You may have to become a dishwasher, an ESL teacher, a private tutor, a person who carries pipes in a shit field, a dog-walker, a nanny.  You may have to cut costs by mostly eating rice, thin broth, and yam cakes.  You will have to learn a version of Chinese to a practical extent.  You will have to sharpen your social skills in order to get along and get what you need.  All of this takes energy.  All of this is disruptive and sometimes painful.  All of this can be done while functioning as an artist.  But you will have to pay for these experiences through a degree of chaos, stress, effort and the disapproval of others.  There will be dreadful moments.  But if you want to lead a different life–one that includes art and new experiences, you will accept the trouble as a necessary payment for doing what you want to do.  The discipline means taking your lumps and eternally paying dues.  Nothing comes for free but sometimes the payment is fun and sometimes it doesn’t even matter.

People enmeshed / immobilized in a fugue of “respectability” (in my opinion, a parasitic set of social mores and strictures that slowly consume the time and energy–life–of innocents whose only mistake was doing what they were told from an early age) will say you are crazy, unambitious, stupid, a loser.  They will do this because you haven’t had the time and wouldn’t spend the effort to become a stakeholder in their hierarchy of values.  I have experienced this firsthand and still do from time to time when the ripples of life-decisions I made in my late 20s come back to me.  But I do not have regrets.  I have largely overcome my personal demons, the emotional, familial, social fallout associated with owning my life.  That’s why this is a discipline.  You have to practice it.  It’s not something you do once.  It’s a way of life.  And I want that for you if you want it for yourself.